This is my story of addiction and recovery.
I have been working on a few things to turn in for my first post. Because of my hectic life I keep getting sidetracked. Not that I don’t want to turn something in, things just always seem to be going on always getting in the way of my goals. I see writing as a good outlet for myself. It brings a sense of meaning to my life, making me feel worthy in a season of my life where I’m desperately needed, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. So is the life of a mother/wife/housemanager/insertyourpositionhere. When things like the death of a famed actor occur, it rocks my world. I can’t exactly explain why; maybe because I am just very sensitive to death, or just sensitive in general. But when it is the death of a famed actor caused by addiction, a la Philip Seymour Hoffman, it hits straight home. I have been sober for almost eight years. I started drinking and smoking when I was 12 years old. I remember my older sister, older cousin and myself sneaking an uncles beer. we quickly chugged it, each taking long swigs of this cold, weird tasting stuff. I hated the taste, always have, but it’s what came later that I loved. That numbing, dazed feeling that seemed to overtake my whole body. I was 12 years old, suffering from all types of abuse at every angle. I had found my God. I soon found myself scouring the streets for old beer cans. It’s at this time that I also discovered old discarded cigarette butts, I picked those up too. The hot stale beer at the bottom of old crushed cans became my escape, followed by struggled puffs of little nubs of nicotine.
If I had known then that I was opening Pandora’s box to the next 15 years of my life, I would have stopped dead in my tracks. But I didn’t, so I kept on. By the time I was 16 years old I was a full-fledged drunk. I went to school drunk, I went to work drunk, I woke up drunk, went to bed drunk and tried to fit in as much as I could in between. I did not care who I was hurting in the process, I just knew that I had to drink. It was the only way I had learned to survive.
Until the age of 27 my life was a drunken haze. Barely making it alive, long nights alone in a hotel room with my only companion, a bottle that didn’t respond but I felt held all the answers. It wasn’t until I looked at my family and realized that I was going to kill myself, literally kill myself, that I realized I had to stop. Our lives are hard, mothering is hard, being a parent to little minds and bodies that we are completely responsible and accountable is hard and down right scary.
Though we are mothers, we are still individuals. Some of us have addictions, terrible, life-threatening addictions; Addictions that can kill us, whether it is alcohol, prescription medication, street medication, etc. Please do not allow your role as a mother to get in the way of taking care of yourself. I know it is hard, we are always on the go, kids, school, church, mommy groups, date-nights, or any of the countless other things that seem to take over our lives.
Addiction is real. It is ugly. It is dangerous, and it can kill you. I have been there firsthand, and I have also lost friends to it. What addiction is not is shameful. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help. There is no shame in stepping up and saying that you want out. Please, I plead with you, even though I don’t know you, I feel you…. talk to someone if you need to. Call someone. Reach out. Heck, reach me straight through this site if you need to. YOU WILL NOT BE IGNORED. The first step is always reaching out. It’s not fast, it’s not easy, but I can honestly say it is the best decision.
This post was not the fun type of way that I usually write, but my heart was moved to get this out. I feel it is also a good introduction of who I am. I’m an addict. I’m also a survivor. My addictions no longer define me, I define who I am and where I am going.
Becky Martinez Morton
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Addiction has touched my family too. It’s such a difficult topic, and so sad to see people who are looked up to suffering with it as well.
Quite timely with Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death, so tragic. I have to agree that addiction is real and harmful. As someone who just quick smoking after 20 years, I get it. However, I also find it hard to understand how someone goes on a binge like he did, when they have children. It’s just sad and it makes my heartache. And the fact that I don’t understand only goes to show how much more I have to learn about addiction, even though I have one.
Wow, thanks for speaking up! I can’t imagine the bravery it takes to speak up on this topic. I truly hope that if there is someone out there that reads this that is struggling with addiction that they reach out, even if it i just to talk.
You are so brave for sharing this. Thank you.
You are 100% right – there is no shame in addiction, or in seeking help. In fact, the only think seeking help is is BRAVE. Thank you for sharing your story; there are so many people out there than need to know they’re not alone, and I hope even one of them will come across your story and know they can find a way out.
Addiction is such a struggle for so many — it is amazing to see how much life can alter once the addiction is met and conquered. I applaud you for telling your story, I hope it helps others.
I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you. Keep up the courage. So proud of your strength! Thank you for sharing.
Addiction is a struggle that many families face and while there have been so many strides in getting people to understand that it is a medical issue there are still many who don’t seek help because it can still be taboo to many. Thank you for sharing this so others can get the help they need.
I commend you for opening up in the blogosphere. Your post will be helpful to many to know they aren’t along. You are strong.
This is so emotional! I am glad you are still here, still a survivor.
Addiction is a sore topic one that most won’t openly discuss , thank you for taking the big step and sharing this post.
I have lost a few friends to addiction. Addiction also had it’s hand in the breakdown of my marriage. Luckily he is getting treatment now, so he has been learning to be a “real” dad to our little girl.
I am glad you made the choice to get your story out there. You are a survivor and your tale can help others. Addiction is very serious and many people in my family have a problem. I am so happy you are doing better.
Thank you for sharing your story. I love how you encourage others to reach out for help.
It’s very brave of you to share your story. I’m sure your story will help someone else who is struggling!
You are so brave and so honest! I look up to you in ways you will never imagine. I’ve never done an illegal drug in my life, but I consider you my hero. Keep up the good work!
I almost lost my brother to addiction. I will never forget the feelings that coursed through me as I watched his blood flow out of him, through a dializer, and back into him.
A very timely post. My viewpoints on the subject differ greatly from most people, as I have watched my uncle ruin his life, his wife’s, his children, his girlfriends and routinely again his own and now my grandparents despite countless times we have tried to help him.
Wow, you are so brave. Thanks for sharing your story with us..
addiction is an ugly beast. it takes so much and gives only heartbreak back 🙁 i’m glad you had the strength to fight it and stay on top of things.
wow very powerful post. i think addiction in some form or another touches everyone’s family. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Very brave of you to share your story. Addiction has touched many lives. I appreciate you sharing this. It’s so powerful!
Very good post. Addiction is everywhere and many people are not just addicted to drugs. Some are addicted to food and other various things.
With so many people pointing the finger at addiction right now, I just wish they understood. Addiction comes in so many forms. Dare I say we all have something we gravitate toward, put things aside for. I’ve had moments in my life where I completely understood the allure of escape. We all have the potential to be an addict. We should always keep that in mind.
Addiction can hit a family hard. A cousin of my husbands keeps coming to our house begging for money hoping to get his next fix and we’ve had to threaten to call the cops on him. We’ve tried getting him help but he doesn’t want to be helped yet. Hopefully one day 🙁
It’s very brave of you to come out and share so publicly. It’s also good for so many others struggling with addiction.
Thank you for sharing your story. I come from a family of alcoholics. I’ve seen it kill some family members and others hurt so much from it. It’s the worst.
So proud of you for writing this down and getting it out. You have a lot of support with this community.
He was clean for a good long time before he fell to it again. One slip and it’s over, so I know you can appreciate that and I totally respect that you’ve been 8 years clean. **cheering**
My daughter’s father was an addict and lost his life almost six years ago. As someone who struggles with nicotine addiction, I completely understand addiction in all forms…I just can’t wrap my head around the giving up aspect.
How wonderful for you to share your strengths and your continued progress. I’m so happy for you that you found the way!! I think it was very kind of you to share. These kinds of messages can really hit home for that one person (or more!) who really needs to read it. Big kudos to you for reaching out.
I’m so glad that you were able to overcome it!
I am so glad you shared your story. So many people are battling with addiction. Your story lets them know there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is life beyond your addiction.
I get frustrated with people who don’t realize addiction is a real problem, it’s not something someone choose to have. It’s hard, it can take over lives. It’s so hard …. to deal with yourself and to watch others deal with. Thanks for sharing this story!
Becky, you are a brave and great soul. Thank you for shedding more light on the subject and opening the door for others to walk through and start the healing work. Addiction touches all of us in some way; our family, friends, and even distant relatives. I will share your story… Inspired!
This was such a powerful post. Thank you for sharing and being honest on your blog. It takes a lot of courage to overcome this and to share it!
Addiction is so hard on everyone it touches. Thanks for sharing your story.
You are so strong for overcoming this, and it’s great to hear your family is what have motivated you and keep motivating you for sure!
Kudos to you for sharing your story. I am sure it took lots of courage. Addiction can really take hold of a person and affect not only them, but their entire family.
Thank you for sharing your story and you are so right. You define yourself. I know your family is behind you 100% and with them by your side you’ll do great!
Thank you for sharing your story and ending the silence and stigma that addiction can bring. Congrats on your 8 years, here’s to so many more.
I feel really fortunate that drugs and alcohol have never been a temptation for me. I had my own struggles and problems, that’s for sure. These ones just feel so much harder to overcome then the ones I faced. I’m so glad you got past the addictions!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I myself didn’t do drugs/drink alcohol but parts of my family have. 10 years later and we are still dealing with the fall out.
You are so right.. Addiction is real. It is ugly. It is dangerous, and it can kill you. It is often a silent and lonely walk to recovery.
Thanks for sharing this with us! I know it’s hard to write about your personal life like this but post like these changes people’s life